The beginning of all things

I am beginning writing this with a baby hanging off of one arm, and a pen scrawling precariously with my non-dominant hand. Skill building. I wanted to be well read in life. I wanted to be multi-lingual. I wanted to exude grace and mystery when arriving at someone's home for dinner. Umm...I wanted to be invited to someone's home for dinner for that matter. I wanted to be ready for some moment in my life that I was not sure of what it would be, just feeling it would be something important. Without going into the etymology of Sacred Bones 37 right now, I was waiting for this moment. The one I am immediately and precisely living this very minute. And one month's eve before my 38th birthday, I must admit I am relieved to have written this while still 37 years old, confirming so many things I had come to hope for myself. My 18 month old ninja warrior is now sitting on my desk, pen in his baby paw, getting ready to edit this for me. I didn't even have to post a help wanted ad. Nevertheless, in this small moment of time I am accomplishing a seemingly impossible task that really was not hard at all. It was the grit factor of just the "do", from a simple idea to a task in action. I wonder now how many moments or opportunities are lost and have sailed right by. In one ear manifesting as a transient thought bubble, then out the other ear.

Well, in the age of the "novel" Coronavirus, there is no time like the present to begin again. I give that nod to the book I just finished by Leeana Tankersley, Begin Again. It was so beautiful, and spoke to the very part of my soul that had been withering on the vine. We can wait for the perfect moment to be completely prepared and equipped for the task at hand, or we can launch into the glorious unknown. I just had a vision of bungee jumping into the Grand Canyon. Has that been done? Obviously I am sure it has..I think. But the point is I have made the decision to do what seems impossible, but is really only a few key strokes away.

What I have seen in 6 weeks of being off of work, is that the real work of breaking through to me probably only took a few hours. Some time in prayer. Profound things read. One night I watched a storm of heat lightening while eating Halo top ice cream. Taking communion on Easter morning with my husband in the living room, sheltering from the storm of an unseen virus. All of the rest of the time was just chipping away at facades, the kind that are so reinforced through time and negative coping skills subconsciously, that you don't even know they are there. That is why it is so hard to do. You are working through an unknown something just by letting yourself do nothing. Then there is the active resting phase of this uncoupling. Just being, to get to the place of being able to hear the small voice inside of myself. We are.. I am...addicted to productivity and producing visual results; measurable results over and over again always shooting for perfection. Maybe that is the German in me coming out. It can fool me into thinking that doing nothing is actually a waste of time, when that doing of nothing is what it takes to get to the place of solitude, and to the deepest 'something' that I have to offer.

I have decided to begin, or actually, continue to create with words the things of life that have floated in and out of my spirit through life, people, experiences, the Holy Spirit...and more. There is part health of body as well as mind and spirit, part poetry, part beauty, and always letting love and truth lead to what can never be taken away. The unseen world, which can never be supplanted by the seen. I feel satisfied to say that, to write that. This will not be a long post to begin with. I don't think it needs to be. But in many ways, it will be the biggest post I ever write. Because it is the beginning of something new, yet so familiar to my heart... like finding my long lost soul mate after years of searching.